Crack Nuggets and Such

I need to shed 25 pounds in the next four months. This will be the toughest part of the training process for me. I love to eat, for God's sake I'm in the food business. I spend the better part of my days at work staring at warm garlic bread, Alfredo Sauce, pastas & homemade desserts. It's a miracle my waist line remains in the 30's. On top of the temptations at work, I have three kids at home. Our pantry is always stocked with snacks of all sorts. I'm proud to say our fruit drawer is always full of fresh selections, but who wants to come home from a long day at work and eat a room-temperature banana? I just gagged when I re-read that sentence. We all love snacks. Each of us has that go-to item that, when eaten, sends a feeling of calm over our brain and body instantly. To shed my twenty-five pounds, I'm going to have to conquer my cravings for my favorite go-to items. My list is not long, but these items are special. They are always there for me. They don't judge me or talk back to me. They simply satisfy, and I'm a man that likes instant gratification.

1000 Island dressing
This backwoods, redneck-ass dressing tops my list. I love this stuff. It's ketchup, mayonnaise and pickle relish. Does it get any better? I've seen recipes that try and fancy it up, with egg or black olives. I'm here to say, "leave it the hell alone". This condiment is even on my death row final meal menu- that's how important it is to me. I enjoy this tasty morsel in two ways, on a salad or a saltine cracker, nothing else. Now when I say salad, I don't mean fancy, like with Wild Mixed Greens or Romaine. I'm talking chopped head lettuce, nothing else. If I'm feeling spicy, I will add some cracked black pepper. I'm fully aware of how awful this item is for me. I'd be just as good shoveling straight sugar into my mouth, but it's my everything. This is the only item on my list that resides at work, which will make it the most difficult. I stand next to her for the better part of my day, but it must be done. Okay, just one last moment together...A little privacy please...



Newman-O's Hint O'Mint Cookies
Hint O' Diabetes is what they should be called. Now don't get me wrong, this is a great product from a great company. Their products are all organic and they donate all profits. The profits from my purchases alone should have neutered at least 100 dogs. But it is a tricky product, it draws you in with the organic and humanitarian marketing scheme then sets the hook. Next thing you know you're setting your alarm for 2:30 am to sneak downstairs and shove 5-6 of these babies in your mouth. The whole time you're telling yourself it's for charity and their healthy. Organic does mean healthy, right?? Well, organic means one thing to me. I can eat double the amount. This addiction is double-edged, you see, because you can't eat 5 cookies and not wash it down with something. For me, that something is milk. I don't mean skim or 2%, I mean good old whole milk, straight from the carton. If I could drink it straight from the cows udder I would. You can see how bad this combo addiction has gotten. The problem with kicking this item is my kids. They love these cookies. They eat one every night after dinner and have for years. I will now have to sit and watch my precious children enjoy their cookies while I stare and curse them under my breath. Thanks, Newman...



Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Minis
I just discovered these crack nuggets about a month ago. If I ever meet the sick bastard that created this item I would be speechless and confused. Do I kick him in the family jewels or give him a high five and a hug? They have taken the deliciousness of peanut butter and chocolate and made eating it idiot-proof. At least before you had to unwrap them. Now, you just grab a handful and it's party time. This is a mommy and daddy item. We keep them in our special drawer and only pull them out once the kids have gone to bed, it's like our little secret. Snacks like this shouldn't be that easy, if I had to work for it I might decide after a minute or so that I don't need it. But no, just unzip the bag get to eatin'. Five minutes later and I've polished off twenty of these things and my hands and face are covered in melted milk chocolate, damn... I catch myself sniffing the bag before I take a bite. It's like a fine perfume. If they bottled this smell, I would buy my wife a gallon size for X-mas. But it's gotta go. This one might not be as tough as the others because I'm the purchaser of this item. My wife likes them, but she can do without. So I will just remove it from the grocery list. Now, if Raisinets were on this list, my wife would be leaving me. She's addicted, luckily they give me gas.



This will not be easy. I've grown fond of these items. But riding 100 miles and climbing thousands of vertical feet twenty-five pounds lighter will be that much easier. I need to put down these cheap highs and focus on the big picture. This goal is very important to me and I want to give it everything I've got over the next four months. I'm ready. Wait...it's Satruday, you can't start a diet on Saturday, I'll start Monday.

30 miles this morning on mountain bike, chilly but felt great. Hope to see everyone at the crit races on Wednesday night.