Achilles Heel

I love to cook on the grill, and I must admit that I'm damn good at it. You want the best NY Strip or Bone in Rib Eye you have ever tasted in your life, bring over a REALLY good bottle of red wine and come sit on my patio. Hell, I won't even charge you for the side dishes. I have it down, from seasoning, to cook temperature, to the resting of the meat. It's perfect. My brother in law thinks that he is the grill master, but he marinates. GAME OVER. If the grates of your grill are ever kissed with the likes of pineapple juice, mixed with soy sauce and Cavenders, save your breath. My grill skills do extend beyond steak, I do corn, roasted vegetables, shrimp, they are all great. But there is one item that has escaped me for more than a decade.....

RIBS

Now, I don't blame my poor rib cooking on lack of skills. You see, I'm rib cursed...let me explain. One weekend back when I attended the University of Arkansas, my brother in law and I, we lived together, decided to have a big party and cook ribs. It was gonna be a blowout. We were from Memphis, we knew how to cook BBQ. We gathered all of our essential the day before and went home to prep. The problem was, our prep work was sidetracked by a lot of beer. From what I remember, we may have removed the ribs from their plastic casing???? Who knows. All I remember was waking up the next morning and all hell braking loose. We had done nothing and we had 60-75 people coming over in 6-7 hours. We hauled ass and got everything set up, and by everything I mean the 40's and Boone's Farm....they had to be cold. With 5 hours left we started the ribs, I thought we were perfect, so I started drinking and drinking and drinking. Next thing I know, I wake up and it's 11:30 at night and my face is completely painted with marker. I missed the whole damn party. I wander out into the den to find my brother in law, still pissed. I ask him about the ribs and I got one response...RAW! We disrespected the rib, we took her for granted and she is still paying my back.

I could have quit then, but I didn't. Every year I give her a go and she kicks my ass. I've tried everything, from Baby Back to St. Louis style, dry vs. wet, apple wood vs. cherry, but they all stink. But I don't give up, I tell myself it will happen one day. This past Monday was Memorial Day or Annual Rib Day in my house. This was my one shot in 2011 to get it right. I spent the day prior doing all my research and I was ready....but was the curse ready to release her death grip?



I went with my own homemade dry rub this year. After yeas of research, I discovered they are all pretty similar, but I did throw a little chef into it this year.

Salt / Pepper / Garlic Powder / Chili Powder / Cayenne / Onion Powder + My 2 chef extras...Ginger & All Spice

I dusted the ribs evenly all over with the seasoning, but I did something different this time I had read about. I put the brown sugar on after I seasoned the ribs and let the moisture almost melt it into a sauce. I really liked this idea..

I let the seasoned ribs sit for 30-40 minutes, they were looking great. While I was letting them rest I started my fire and soaked my wood. (Save the jokes) I went with apple this year. I also took the time to prepare my cooking area. Once my coals were nice and ashed over, I poured them into a nice pile in the back of my grill. I also placed an aluminum pan filled with water into my grill, for moisture.



Now it was a waiting game, I had to let them cool down until they reached my desired temperature...250 degrees. This is a pretty boring time. So I decided to entertain myself.



About an hour later...Jackpot!



It was time. I was nervous. I placed my two perfectly trimmed racks into their grill holder and shut the lid. I told myself that I had prepared the best I could. I just needed to maintain my 250 degree temperature and all would be fine. I went inside to prepare my mop. I used apple juice and butter. I would give them their first mop after one hour of cooking. I lifted the lid after one hour and this is what I saw.



I was pleased. Things were looking good. I moped the ribs, added a few more pieces of apple wood and shut the lid for another hour. This time between hour one and two has always been my biggest problem. My temperature would always drop and I would spend precious cooking time trying to get it back, but this time my temperature held well.

Hour 2



I couldn't hold back my excitement. The ribs looked great. I applied another mop and rotated the ribs in the holding rack. I added another batch of apple wood and closed the lid. Could the curse be over?

Hour 3



Do I even have to say anything? I gave them one last mop and threw on my corn. I would let them cook another 30-45 minutes.
When my timer went off I removed them from their holder and applied the BBQ Sauce. I closed the lid and let them go for 15 minutes. When I lifted the lid it was like a saw an angel...



It's okay to drool. I took the ribs inside and let them cool before cutting.

It was time to eat. I pulled my chef knife from the drawer, grabbed the first slab and made my incision...

The first thing I noticed, no smoke ring. Just grey ass meat. I was pissed, but I continued cutting. We made our plates and sat down. It was the moment of truth. I watched my wife take the first bite, but it was not a bite, it was like a gnaw. Failure. The meat didn't easily pull from the bone, it had to be winched! What the hell? I had just spent 6 hours doing everything possible to cook a good slab, but it was all for nothing. Another year, another crappy set of ribs. I will say however, that my dry rub was good. But there is always next year.

Who am I kidding, I'm eating steak.